Behind screens

I’m currently unable to speak thanks to serious case of my normal twice a year voice lost, but I am reflecting on the song “Waving Through A Window” (performed by Ben Platt & Original Broadway Cast of Dear Evan Hansen) and the lyrics.

The entire song is utterly beautiful and really speaks tome, about how it feels to be different in this era of everyone trying to fit in, and have some voice, or trying to find someplace to belong.

The lyrics are not mine, and I am using them in part to explain my thought process.

Step out, step out of the sun
If you keep getting burned
Step out, step out of the sun
Because you’ve learned, because you’ve learned

On the outside, always looking in
Will I ever be more than I’ve always been?
‘Cause I’m tap, tap, tapping on the glass
I’m waving through a window
I try to speak, but nobody can hear
So I wait around for an answer to appear
While I’m watch, watch, watching people pass
I’m waving through a window, oh
Can anybody see, is anybody waving back at me?

In my head, the sun is the spotlight, to stand out can get you burned, judged, and so you just… do your best to fade in to the background. No one wants to get burned by being..different.

I’ve spent my entire life, feeling as if I was always looking in from the outside, tapping on the glass.. sometimes seen, but mostly not. I live my life for the most part behind a computer screen, as a hermit. Large groups freak me out.. and even then, I feel as if I blend in tot he background.

I’m, not saying this out of pity, but to be honest not with anyone who is reading this, but with myself.

I think, facing who you are is the best thing you can do.

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