This is been a very strange year for me. Now today is not my actual birthday, but what my husband calls my un-birthday because it’s the date I almost died last year. Well, actually, it’s the day before I almost died, but I wanted to get this written up today .
This time last year, I got very ill. I was racked with a high fever, aches, pains.. nausea, fatigue, exhaustion. I wasn’t holding anything down, not even liquid. I was even more pale then I am currently. I couldn’t move on my own, because literally the pain was the worst pain I had every faced in my entire life. I had an abscess from a ruptured blood blister, that we thought was just needing drained, something ..common. I will spare you the details of the gross parts but needless to say I was not in a good place.
On July 6, a week from when I had started feeling sick, thinking I had a summer cold, then maybe a flu or something, I was admitted to Clearview hospital after seeing a surgeon at Georgia Sugicare in Logonville. At his point, to be honest things are hazy, because of how badly I was doing. They handed me a form to hand to the hospital and I read the words… and they didn’t resister tome what was happening.
Four words, written hastily by a doctor. Four words that changed my entire life.
Necrotizing Fasciitis, Septic Shock
My husband knew what those words meant… He had to face his biggest fear that day, while I simply wanted to stop hurting, to stop throwing up.
Necrotizing Fasciitis…. Words that make doctors pale, makes nurses drop their jaw. Flesh eating bacteria. A seventy something percent death sentence. Septic Shock… meaning your body is shutting down from infection, organ failure.. permanent damage if you can survive it.
They removed a total of 13 pounds of muscle from my right side, 3 from my left, removing limp nodes and 5 pounds of excess skin in the process. I was literally cut from hip to hip, and upwards on my tummy.
Over the following month I was in side of a hospital room, first in ICU, then main floor, then in a private wound care rehab hospital.
When I was released, I had home health care, and wound care specialists to keep me alive, as \I still have massive open wounds on my abdominal area. I couldn’t go out with out getting clearance to do things.. I used a walker to get about, as I relearned how to do the simplest things like..walking.. standing, breathing. I wore a wound vac from July 6th to Sept 20th (Roughly)
There has been so many times I’ve wanted to throw my hands up, and scream. I have dealt with a full array of emotions from anger, rage, sadness, grief, hating my self, feeling betrayed by my own body. Anger when taking a single step with out the walker.. without the cane..solo seemed like something that was never going to happen. The rush of.. achievement when I made those very first steps, made that first step down the stairs with out someone holding me.. the rush of pride, being able to show that I was still standing, even though I had been knocked flat on my ass, and cut open in the process.
Now is the time for me to thank those who have supported me, supported My Elias in this past year. People who have become family, and rocks and I could have never made it though this past year,.
I have had people send cards, care packages, a kind word, prayers, energy...hope.
They have been my strength, and then some. They have made sure I was safe when attending spiritual things, events.. They have been…amazing to me.
So, this is who I am… what I’ve seen… standing, with a cane, and knowing if I fail, at least it’s gonna be epic.